Sunday, October 2, 2011

After a couple of complete insomniac nights crying like a manic, I sudden slept for two hours this morning, I even ate food too. A dear friend of mine said she prayed to God for me and Bobby, and this morning I felt a great serenity. I could never understand why it ended all this suddenly, we were inconsolable but had to move on. Yesterday my husband and I ran all over the place for a casket and a garden statue to bury him. It was not easy to find a good statue and in this chaotic mess we ended up getting a water fountain with non functioning parts, Jeff took out a shovel and dug a hole by the lemon tree, while I got out towels and cleaned the blood off his face. It took a really long time because once I cleaned one side and turned him over, the other side started to bleed more blood. I looked at my baby whom I didn't event dare to spank when he misbehave to bleed so much now, I don't know how hurt he must had been. The first night after we got him home, I felt like I was buried under the ground with no air, I went out to the living room floor every hour to see and touch him, he was still warm, but with each hour he turned cold. The next morning I looked at him under the sun light he was completely cold, and I lifted the blanket under him and saw a pool of blood.

I know it is the living memory of him that we must cherish but we were drowning in regret. Why did we let him run? why didn't we run out to the street and stop the truck? Why didn't we go to the bookstore or get soap? Why didn't we do ANYTHING that could push that split of a second sooner or later? Why? He was so unlucky, he came from the shelter with nothing but a bag of bones, he gave so much love to everyone, He loved my mom, Kelly, me and Jeff, brought so much happiness and taught us so much about love. I was determined to be the person to show him the love that he didn't get in the lonely world before and give him a good life, but it all ended suddenly.We weren't given any chance!

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